I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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