just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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