i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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