things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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