Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
