mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
