Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
