Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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