did you get engaged???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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