Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
