im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
