i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
