I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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