Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
