I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
