And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
