he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
