don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
