He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
