Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
