I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
