my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
