I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize