She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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