Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize