i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
