He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
