Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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