you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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