he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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