omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize