D3 body, D1 cock
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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