If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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