I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
