I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize