i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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