it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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