I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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