Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
