So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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