I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
