my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
