Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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