Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
