peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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