I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
