We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
