UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
