It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
