You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
