i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I could make wine with my vomit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize