It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
