i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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