Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The Olympian is in my bed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
