I hate your face
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
