I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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