Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize