He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
