M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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