We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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