We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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