I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
