The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize