I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
