god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
