my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
