i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
