Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
