I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
