addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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